When making love doesn’t get old

The sexuality of seniors is absent from discussions, blockbuster movies or the latest book releases. Our collective imagination suffers as a result of this invisibility. On the ground, health professionals still find the idea of having a sexual life until one’s final days surprising. 

There are persistent misconceptions about sex in old age, such as that with age, sexuality will decrease linearly and that the older you get, the fewer sexual relations you have. A popular stereotype that does not align with recent figures. A study conducted in 2019 by a German research team and published in the American Psychological Association journal reveals that almost one-third of 60-80-year-olds are more sexually active than 20-30-year-olds. Moreover, this third also has more prurient thoughts. 

«Sex life does not stop with age.»

Corinne Hafner of Pro Senectute Suisse

For Corinne Hafner of Pro Senectute Suisse, these figures are not surprising. Like other generations, seniors continue to have a libido. “Sex life does not stop with age. Only ageist assumptions convey this cliché.” Assumptions that can have a significant impact on the main parties concerned. Seniors need to understand that they can continue to have sex despite ageing and changes in their bodies, explains Corinne Hafner. Since their sexuality is a big taboo in society, this process is not easy.”

Patrizia D'Amelio, head of the Geriatric Unit at the CHUV, says that we need to break the taboo surrounding sex among seniors. “Age as such does not have an impact on sexuality, says the specialist. It is everything that can come with ageing that may slow sexual life: menopause, health problems, pain, fatigue. Seniors must discuss these concerns and their impact on their intimate lives. Solutions can be found, but they must be tailored to each individual's specific needs.” 

In the face of physical or psychological problems, dialogue with health professionals is crucial, insists Patrizia D'Amelio. There are many barriers that seniors may encounter in their sex lives, but they do not mean the end of a blossomed intimacy. On the contrary, they can encourage to rethink pleasure. 

“It’s better than before”

Zoé Blanc-Scuderi, sexologist, hosts the “Apero sexo” at Cité Seniors Genève. These monthly meetings provide a space for seniors to discuss sexuality, intimacy, and relationships without judgment. “Some seniors tell me 'now, sex is better than before,' says Zoé Blanc-Scuderi. Why? Because they are free from certain injunctions such as performance, hard erection, and duration of sex. This means less penetration, more diversity in practices... and often, more pleasure”

Bodily changes, often perceived as obstacles, can provide an opportunity to (re)discover one’s sexuality. “Couples find other ways to make love”, notes Corinne Hafner of Pro Senectute. 

A more inclusive vision

For specialists in the elderly, one of the main barriers to active sex is social. “For people who are single or widowed, dating is not always easy, especially if they are in a care institution”, explains Patrizia D'Amelio. 

«The questions arising in an elderly couple may be similar to those of a young couple.»

Zoé Blanc-Scuderi, sexologist 

But the meeting of a potential partner is a complex issue that goes far beyond old age. Similarly, the problems affecting the sexual life of older adults are probably more universal than stereotypes suggest, as sexologist Zoé Blanc-Scuderi points out: “The questions arising in an elderly couple may be similar to those of a young couple. For example, the question of penetration and possible pain. Adults of all ages are affected by problems such as dryness, erectile disorders, and diseases. What we see is that there is no sexuality of the elderly on the one hand and of young people on the other. We must break this rigid mindset.”

«Queer people may feel even more invisible as they age.»

Patrizia D'Amelio from the Geriatric Unit at the CHUV

A less rigid view of sex and its practices could help young people and seniors accept more diverse, intimate lives, less trapped in misconceptions. Patrizia D'Amelio underlines the importance of thinking about older adults' sexuality inclusively, considering sexual minorities. “Queer people may feel even more invisible as they age. There is very little representation of LGBTQIA+ seniors, although their sexuality exists as much as that of others.”

Rethinking sex

Reflecting on the sexuality of seniors also deconstructs our overall position in relation to sex. For Zoé Blanc-Scuderi, this supposes a change of perspective. “Moving away from a vision centred on penetration, performance, and injunctions allows us to lift a weight and open up the field of possibilities for all generations.”

A sensitive, taboo subject, and yet at the heart of our social relations, sexuality is shrouded in stereotypes that do not stand up to the scrutiny of experts. Above all, health professionals insist on a point that Patrizia D'Amelio sums up. “There must be a place for discussing sexuality in the relationship between the medical profession and senior patients, away from judgements and clichés.”